Recommended Reading
Books I Recommend:
A reading list from Alicia Hawley-Bernardez, PhD, LMSW
Some of the most meaningful shifts I see in therapy start between sessions, often with a book that finally puts words to something you have felt for years. These are the books I find myself recommending again and again to the women, moms, and survivors I work with. Take what fits and leave the rest.
A few gentle notes before you dive in. Books are wonderful companions to therapy, not replacements for it. Some of these titles talk openly about trauma and abuse, so go at your own pace, take breaks, and notice how your body responds. If something stirs up more than you expected, that is worth bringing into session.
Each title links to its Amazon page for convenience. Your local library or favorite bookstore is a great option too, and many libraries offer free ebook and audiobook copies through apps like Libby.
* Books marked with an asterisk are ones I haven't personally read yet, but they may be worth considering.
When you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
If you grew up with a parent who was there physically but not emotionally, this book can feel like someone finally describing your childhood. Gibson explains how emotionally immature parents operate, the roles kids take on to cope, and how to step out of those roles as an adult.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
For anyone who has spent years managing other people's moods, crises, and choices while losing track of their own. This classic gently turns the focus back to you and what you need.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
A clear, practical guide to noticing where your boundaries are thin and speaking up for what you need without the guilt spiral. It is full of real-life examples you can borrow.
*Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People by Lindsay C. Gibson
A follow-up to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents that carries the same ideas into adult life, with partners, friends, coworkers, and family. It focuses on staying connected to yourself when someone keeps pulling you into their emotional world.
Trauma, the body, and healing
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
This book explains why trauma shows up in the body and not just in our memories, and it explores approaches that help, including EMDR. It includes some heavy stories, so read it in small doses.
When the Body Says No by Gabor Maté
Maté looks at how years of stress and swallowed emotions can take a toll on the body. Many people who learned to keep the peace at their own expense will see themselves in these pages.
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Maté with Daniel Maté
A bigger-picture look at how stress, disconnection, and culture shape our health. A good read if you have ever wondered why so many of us are struggling at the same time.
Tapping In by Laurel Parnell
Written by an EMDR expert, this book teaches simple tapping exercises that help strengthen feelings of calm, safety, and support. It is a lovely companion to EMDR therapy and is meant for building inner resources, not for working through trauma memories on your own.
*Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman
A foundational book on how trauma affects people and the stages of recovery, connecting private harms like domestic abuse with the wider world around them. It is dense and detailed, so it suits readers who want depth.
Narcissistic and emotionally abusive relationships
It's Not You by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
If a relationship with a narcissistic partner, parent, or boss has left you doubting yourself, start here. Dr. Ramani explains these patterns in plain language and offers a path toward healing, wherever you are in that relationship.
Stop Walking on Eggshells for Partners by Randi Kreger and Bill Eddy
For partners of someone with borderline or narcissistic traits. It covers setting boundaries, calming arguments, and thinking through whether to stay or go in a way that keeps you safe.
*The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Carnes
Explains trauma bonds, the powerful attachment that can form with someone who hurts you, and why letting go can feel so hard. It offers ways to recognize these patterns and loosen their hold.
*Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas, LCSW
Walks through six stages of recovery from psychological abuse, from despair and education to boundaries and restoration, with a reflection journal along the way.
*Should I Stay or Should I Go by Dr. Ramani Durvasula
For anyone still weighing what to do about a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Dr. Ramani helps you recognize the patterns, set realistic expectations, and think through staying or leaving.
*The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Beverly Engel
A practical guide to recognizing emotional abuse and how childhood experiences can shape these patterns. It speaks to both people in the relationship, so some chapters are written for the partner causing harm.
Domestic violence and controlling relationships
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Bancroft spent years working with abusive men, and he explains how controlling partners think and why their behavior is never your fault. It names the patterns clearly and puts the responsibility where it belongs.
*Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Short daily readings from the author of Why Does He Do That?, for women who are in, or recently out of, a controlling relationship. Easy to pick up even on the hardest days.
*Invisible Chains by Lisa Aronson Fontes
For relationships where there may be no bruises but there is control, monitoring, or fear. Fontes explains coercive control, how to think about your safety, and how to protect yourself and your children.
*Healing the Trauma of Domestic Violence: A Workbook for Women by Edward S. Kubany, Mari A. McCaig, and Janet R. Laconsay
A workbook for women who have left an abusive relationship and still struggle with guilt, shame, anxiety, or PTSD symptoms. Its exercises come from a researched approach called cognitive trauma therapy.
*Getting Free by Ginny NiCarthy
A long-trusted guide to recognizing abuse and planning a way out. It was first written in 1982 and last updated in 2004, so pair its safety and technology tips with current resources like the hotline listed below.
*See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
An award-winning look at coercive control, why abuse is so often missed, and why leaving is so hard. It focuses on Australia, so some laws and statistics will differ from what you see here in Texas.
Divorce, co-parenting, and difficult communication
Splitting by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger
If you are divorcing someone with borderline or narcissistic traits, this book helps you protect yourself, prepare for court, and choose professionals who understand high-conflict situations.
BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People by Bill Eddy
Teaches the BIFF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) for answering hostile emails, texts, and social media posts without getting pulled into the fight.
BIFF for CoParent Communication by Bill Eddy, Annette T. Burns, and Kevin Chafin
The same method applied to co-parenting, with sample messages about schedules, school, health care, money, and social media.
*Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex by Amy J.L. Baker and Paul R. Fine
For co-parents worried that a former partner is trying to turn the children against them, with strategies for staying close to your kids through the conflict.
Love, attachment, and partnership
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller
An approachable introduction to attachment in adult relationships. It can help you understand why certain partners feel so familiar and what secure love can look like.
Fight Right by John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman
Drawing on decades of research with couples, this book shows how to argue in ways that lead to understanding and how to repair afterward.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
A practical, research-based guide to friendship, conflict, and shared meaning in a long-term partnership, with exercises to do together.
A note for couples: these two books are written for relationships where both partners feel safe. If there is abuse or control in your relationship, please reach out so we can talk about support that fits your situation.
Parenting
Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields
For parents who want to stop yelling and break the cycle of reactive parenting they may have grown up with. It pairs mindfulness with simple communication skills.
Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
Dr. Becky's approach starts from the belief that kids, and parents, are good inside. It focuses on connection, repair after hard moments, and boundaries that hold.
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
Explains how children's brains develop in plain language, with simple strategies for helping kids through big feelings.
No-Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson
A companion to The Whole-Brain Child that reframes discipline as teaching, with connection first.
Raising Securely Attached Kids by Eli Harwood
Makes attachment science practical for every stage, from newborns to grown children. It is especially helpful if you are parenting differently than you were parented.
Brain-Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke
Shifts the focus from managing behavior to understanding the stress and body signals underneath it. A helpful read for parents of kids who melt down often.
Uniquely Human by Barry M. Prizant with Tom Fields-Meyer
A respectful, strengths-based look at autism that helps families understand behaviors as ways of coping and communicating.
*Raising Good Humans Every Day by Hunter Clarke-Fields
Fifty short, simple ways to pause, stay present, and connect with your kids, from the author of Raising Good Humans. A good fit for busy, worn-out parents.
* Books marked with an asterisk are ones I haven't personally read yet, but they may be worth considering.
If it is not safe to read at home
If you live with someone who monitors your phone, mail, or belongings, a book about abuse could put you at risk. You might borrow a copy from the library, read on a device or account they cannot access, or keep it somewhere outside the home. Your safety comes first.
If you are in danger, call 911. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. If you are thinking about suicide or are in crisis, call or text 988.
Want to talk through what you are reading?
Books can open doors, and sometimes they bring up more than we expect. If something here resonates and you would like support, I offer a free 15-minute consultation.