Sitting With Emotions: What “Sit With It” Really Means (and Why It’s So Hard)

If you’ve never heard the phrase “sit with it” before, you’re not alone. It’s one of those expressions that gets used a lot in therapy spaces, often without much explanation. When people first hear it, they understandably wonder what it even means. Sit with what? For how long? And why would I want to? 

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately myself. Even as a therapist, sitting with emotions is something I actively struggle with, especially when feelings show up unexpectedly or feel uncomfortable. That struggle is exactly why this phrase deserves a clearer, more compassionate explanation.

That reaction is completely understandable. I’ve found myself asking the same thing lately, not just in theory, but in real, everyday moments when I’m trying to live what I teach. As a therapist, I know what the phrase is supposed to point toward. But when I actually try to do it? It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and sometimes downright overwhelming.

So before we go any further, let’s slow down and unpack what “sit with it” even means, especially if you’ve never heard it used in a therapy context before.

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More Than a Phrase: What We’re Actually Talking About

In many corners of mental health, “sit with it” is shorthand for something most of us weren’t ever taught to do: stay present with an uncomfortable feeling long enough to notice it, understand it, and let it pass through rather than try to fix or avoid it entirely. It’s not about suffering for suffering’s sake. It’s not about being “weak” or letting emotions take control.

It’s about giving your emotions space to be seen and heard without judgment. 

That’s what makes it healing, when we approach it gently instead of forcefully. But this is where things get tricky and where the phrase often gets misunderstood.

What People Think “Sit With It” Means

For many people, the phrase lands like an instruction to endure discomfort in silence, to carry it, stew in it, let it fester. Especially if a person has spent years minimizing their emotions or being told to “get over it,” the phrase “sit with it” can sound like:

• You have to feel all the feelings at once

• You can’t try to soothe yourself

• You must endure pain without support

• You should stay stuck until it goes away

No wonder it feels confusing or threatening. That’s not what this term actually means.

What It Actually Means (In Everyday Language)

A more grounded way to think about it, something I personally resonate with, is this:

When we sit with a feeling, we create a moment of gentle awareness instead of avoidance.

Imagine your emotion isn’t a wild animal to be chased away or a monster to fight. Imagine it as a guest who has come to talk. You don’t have to entertain it endlessly. You don’t have to throw it out of your house. You just sit in the same room long enough to notice:

• What is the feeling?

• Where do I feel it in my body?

• What might it be trying to communicate?

This isn’t about passionless observation or stoicism. It’s about curiosity, not judgment; presence, not suffering.

Still sounds abstract? Let me bring it back to something real.

My Own Struggle With “Sitting With” Feelings

I’ll be honest with you: this isn’t easy for me either. There are mornings when I’m anxious before I’ve even had coffee, and my first inclination is to plan, fix, or distract myself, ANYTHING to NOT sit with the discomfort. I still find myself rushing to solutions, even when my nervous system is asking for calm.

That’s because emotions are meant to move through us, not be examined under a microscope or rushed past. Learning this is a practice, not a project with a finish line. I still get frustrated when I notice myself avoiding a feeling, but every time I catch myself, I treat it like an opportunity to practice, not a failure.

That’s a nuance worth highlighting: sitting with feelings isn’t a test you pass or fail. It’s a skill you practice.

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Why “Sitting With It” Isn’t Always Appropriate

Here’s a point I want to emphasize gently and clearly: Sitting with a feeling isn’t always the right thing, especially when your nervous system is dysregulated.

If you’re overwhelmed, numb, flooded, dissociated, or shut down, then trying to “sit with it” in that state can actually make things harder. In those moments, what you most need is regulation first, not exposure.

That’s exactly why understanding your Window of Tolerance is so helpful; it teaches you how to find your way back to calm before leaning into emotional awareness. If you haven’t yet, take a moment to read my post on the Window of Tolerance here:

When You Feel Flooded or Numb: Understanding Your Stress Response and Finding Your Calm Again

That article goes deeper into how states like panic or shutdown can make emotions feel bigger, and how to bring your nervous system back into a space where sitting with feelings feels possible rather than threatening.

A More Human Example

Let’s say you feel anxious about a conversation you had yesterday, but instead of naming that anxiety, you scroll your phone, start a chore, or convince yourself you’re “fine.” That’s avoidance, NOT emotional processing.

To sit with it, gently, you might bring awareness to the fact that your chest feels tight. You might notice the thoughts looping in your mind. You might take a breath and allow yourself to acknowledge: “I’m feeling unsettled right now.” That’s it. Not wallowing. Not dwelling. Just noticing.

And over time, you start to see patterns, triggers, cycles, rhythms, rather than feeling like a passenger to your own emotions.

Why This Matters for Your Mental Health

Feeling fear, sadness, anger, or uncertainty doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. And allowing yourself to recognize and understand your emotions actually builds resilience and self-trust.

When we learn how to be present with feelings, in a safe way and within our nervous system’s capacity, we stop fear, avoidance, and frustration from being the main drivers of our behavior.

That’s growth.

And You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If “sit with it” still feels unclear, intimidating, or just plain uncomfortable, that’s completely valid. It’s not something our culture naturally teaches us how to do.

Therapy offers a structured, compassionate space to learn this, especially if your nervous system gravitates toward overwhelm or shutdown. In therapy, you don’t have to just sit with feelings; you learn how to do it safely and effectively, with support.

If you’re curious about therapy or want help navigating big emotions without feeling lost, overwhelmed, or misunderstood, I’m here to help. You can schedule a consultation through my website, and we can explore this together, gently and at your pace.

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