Things I’ve Learned from Being Both a Therapist and a Therapy Client

After spending time in therapy myself and working as a therapist myself, I’ve realized there are so many things I wish I had known earlier and that I wish others knew. If you're starting therapy (or even if you’ve been in it for a while) or considering therapy, here are some things that might make the process a little smoother!

1. Finding the right therapist is weirdly hard.

You’d think any trained therapist would be a good fit, but nope. Therapy is so personal, and just because someone is great on paper doesn’t mean they’ll feel right for you. I went through two therapists (and a lot of frustration) before finding one who really understood me. It might take a few tries, and yeah, rejection stings—but when you find the right person, it’s worth it.

2. Therapy styles can be overwhelming.

CBT, EMDR, Psychodynamic, Solution-Focused… What do they all mean?! Therapists use different approaches, and some blend multiple techniques. At first, it can feel confusing to figure out which one is “right.” The most important thing? That you feel supported and understood. The method is just the tool—what really matters is the RELATIONSHIP.

3. YOU are the biggest factor in whether therapy works.

Therapy isn’t like getting a haircut—you don’t just sit there and have it “done” to you. The more effort you put in, the more you’ll get out of it. That said, a strong relationship with your therapist is just as important. If you feel safe and respected, that’s the foundation for real progress.

4. You might see your therapist as a parent, friend, or mentor.

Without realizing it, you may start treating your therapist the way you treat other important people in your life. Maybe you expect them to have all the answers, or maybe you hold back because you don’t want to disappoint them. Noticing these patterns can actually help you understand your relationships outside of therapy, too.

5. “How do you feel about that?” is harder to answer than you think.

If you’ve spent years ignoring or overanalyzing your emotions, actually feeling them can be tough. Sometimes, naming your emotions in the moment feels impossible. That doesn’t mean you’re bad at therapy—it just means emotional awareness takes practice.

6. There’s no clear “progress bar” for therapy.

Unlike school or work, therapy doesn’t come with gold stars or report cards. Some sessions feel like major breakthroughs, while others feel like you’re talking in circles. Growth is often slow and messy, but even when it doesn’t feel like it, things are shifting.

7. Your therapist will get things wrong. And you can tell them.

Therapists aren’t mind readers. Sometimes they’ll misunderstand you, say something that doesn’t sit right, or make assumptions that don’t fit. It’s totally okay to speak up! Therapy works best when it’s a real conversation, not just you nodding along.

8. Advice isn’t what we actually need.

At first, I wanted my therapist to just tell me what to do, and as a therapist and problem-solver myself, it’s so easy for me to turn to fixer mode! But when they did give advice, I rarely followed it. That’s because what I really needed wasn’t a checklist—I needed validation, space, and guidance to find my own answers. Therapy isn’t about getting told what to do; it’s about figuring out what’s right for you.

9. Therapy is hard—and that’s normal.

Sitting with painful emotions, feeling stuck, challenging old beliefs… it’s exhausting. But hard doesn’t mean “not working.” Growth is uncomfortable, and part of therapy is learning to tolerate that discomfort instead of running from it.

10. Therapy changes you—but not always in easy ways.

Real change can be messy. As you grow, your relationships, boundaries, and even your sense of self might shift. This can feel unsettling at first, but ultimately, it leads to a life that feels more authentic to who you really are.

11. Therapy isn’t forever, but the work keeps going.

You don’t have to be in therapy forever to keep growing. Eventually, you’ll get to a point where you can use the tools and insights on your own. Therapy ends, but self-discovery never really does.

Therapy is a journey, and finding the right support can make all the difference. If this post resonated with you and you're curious about starting therapy—or just want to learn more—I'd love to help!

💙 Visit www.aliciahb.com to learn more about my approach and see if we’d be a good fit. Feel free to reach out with any questions—I’d love to hear from you!