Co-Parenting During the Holidays: A Therapist’s Guide

The holidays can bring joy and togetherness, but for separated or divorced families, they may also bring stress, tension, and complex emotions. Sharing time with children during this season can feel challenging as parents juggle expectations, schedules, and emotions. However, with thoughtful planning, communication, and a focus on your children’s well-being, it is absolutely possible to create a cheerful and harmonious holiday season.

As a therapist, I want to share practical tips for navigating co-parenting during the holidays while

prioritizing peace, joy, and love for your children.

1. Shift the Focus to Your Children

The holidays are about creating meaningful experiences for your children, not winning “time” or

proving who does it better. Shift your mindset to what will bring your children happiness and stability. Kids pick up on stress and conflict, so when parents prioritize their comfort and joy, it creates a sense of safety.

Tips:

• Ask your children what traditions they value most. This makes them feel included in the planning process.

• Reassure them that they are loved and that it's okay to enjoy time with both parents.

2. Plan Ahead and Be Flexible

Clear and early communication about holiday schedules is key to reducing stress. While you may have a custody agreement or holiday plan in place, it’s important to remain flexible. Life happens—weather delays, sickness, or unexpected changes can occur. Being adaptable shows your children that holidays are about joy, not rigid rules.

Tips:

• Create a shared holiday calendar and agree on drop-off times, travel plans, and celebrations.

• Discuss any changes in advance with respect to the other parent's time.

3. Practice Emotional Awareness

Holidays can be emotionally difficult for parents, too. You might feel sadness, anger, or even loneliness during your time apart from your children. It’s okay to feel this way, but try not to let it spill over to your kids.

Instead, take this time to focus on self-care or reconnecting with friends and family. Your emotional health sets the tone for your children.

Tips:

• Journal your emotions or talk to a trusted friend or therapist.

• Plan something joyful for yourself on days your children are with their other parent.

4. Share Traditions or Create New Ones

For families who are newly separated or divorced, the holidays may look different this year—and that’s okay. Keep some of your favorite traditions, but also consider creating new ones with your children. New rituals can mark a fresh start and create wonderful shared memories.

Tips:

• Introduce a new holiday tradition like watching a favorite movie, creating handmade ornaments, or hosting a "pajama breakfast."

• Collaborate with your co-parent, if possible, to allow your children to experience meaningful moments with both families.

5. Lead With Kindness and Respect

No matter the circumstances of your separation or divorce, showing kindness and respect to your co-parent during the holidays will set a positive tone for your children. Remember, your child’s relationship with both parents matters. Small gestures of kindness—like agreeing to an extra phone call or sharing a special tradition—can go a long way.

Tips:

• Focus on the "bigger picture" -- your children's joy and sense of security.

• Avoid negative comments about your co-parent, especially in front of your kids.

6. Communicate Openly and Honestly

Talk to your children about what to expect during the holidays. Reassure them that they will spend time with both parents and that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Open and honest communication reduces anxiety and helps your children feel more at ease.

Tips:

• Use age-appropriate language to explain holiday plans.

• Remind your children that the holidays are about love, togetherness, and making memories -- no matter where they are.

A Final Note of Encouragement

Sharing time with your children during the holidays as a separated or divorced parent isn’t always easy, but it can still be joyful, meaningful, and filled with love. By focusing on your children’s happiness, practicing flexibility, and approaching the season with kindness, you can create beautiful holiday memories together.

If you find yourself struggling emotionally or navigating co-parenting challenges, you’re not alone. Reaching out to a therapist can provide the support and tools you need to manage this season with resilience and grace.

Wishing you and your family peace, joy, and connection this holiday season.